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Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Chic Knits Sock Nation Knittin' Citizen

…the Sock Speaks…
Don’t Make Me Go There

easy patterns

OK. We’ve all been there…

Back-O-the-Line, you know, the one that snakes around the corner, with people-ropes keeping you off the Employees.

Oh no, we’re not talking about the next Age of Love(!) casting call, we’re talking DMV and their License Division anywhere in the world — certainly in anyone’s Top 5 *Don’t Make Me Go There* destination list. But I was there. Last in line.

The little tag on my auto plate with the year on it went missing. I blame myself for this labeljack because I was too scared to use my nails to peel off the previous year, (vanity vanity what is thy name?) and had applied the new over the old. Some friendster (and in the Cittay, they’re always watching) must’ve noticed and decided to liberate it.

So I popped into the DMV to get a quick replacement and ALL HELL BROKE LOOSE!

Turns out I had a mandatory suspension for no insurance from 1997 (on a plate that is extinct because at one point, my car was STOLEN) and they refused my request. Since someone in their system never upgraded an address change I made or linked to my new plate, I never received any notice of *my* bad behavior. But I did get The Look from the State clerk handling the data.

Let me tell you about The Look.

Most of the Chicago natives I’ve met have the ability to lock their eyes on you in a way that will halt you at ten paces, paralyze you before you can create any more mischief, retard you from asking a stupid question, accuse you of driving like an idiot (The Look delivered as they drive up to you at a traffic stop or even cruising by — it’s powerful enough to penetrate metal and glass).

In short: stop you from doing whatever behaviour you were ignorantly attempting to go forth with, forthwith.

It goes something like this: faster than a speeding bullet, the head tilts slightly back, chin up, eyes narrowed now shooting arrows directly down the slope of the nose ZAP right between your eyes!

The Look, accompanied by frosty chilly Speak, delivered to me by my friendly DMV clerk basically let me know that unless I came back with a boatload of proof, nothing but nothing was going to FIX the mess I, criminally insane citizen that I am, was in.

So I harvested. And reloaded my courage to launch another paper spray.

And it was so powerful, it generated the Top-O-the-Line Treatment: the call to the Supervisor in Another City! In fact, it went via phone all the way to the State Capitol, where the sludge of a million pleading lobbying souls will slow any call to a bureaucratic crawl…

So I did what any right thinking citizen would do.

I pulled out my sock, right there at the counter and started knitting.

And LO! And behold! My clerk de-frosted.

All of a sudden, she was asking to Touch the Yarn! She was entertained and delighted by The Sock.

And I knew I was going to be OK. She was calling me and the Sock: “Honey!”

Not only did I get a new plate (a bonus?), but a nice shiny new silver Tag to go on the plate, delivered with a “have a nice day, honey!” and an plea to watch out while I was driving that day because Paris Hilton had just been released from Jail!

HEE! Sock covers Look! If only I could figure out how to knit while driving ;p

36 responses to “Wednesday, June 27, 2007”

  1. meg says:

    Damn, I’m bringing my sock when I get my new plate this week! Don’t leave home without it :o)

  2. AmyP says:

    Behold the power of … THE SOCK!

  3. Barb Outside Boston says:

    Oh my-
    I’m sitting here knitting and reading blogs, needing to go drive somewhere, thinking “if only I could knit while driving”–and there you are! It’s a sign. Go figure out how to do it.
    (I just got my car inspected and the others waiting were the same way with me and my sock–socks rule!)

  4. Karen says:

    Hehe. Amazing what a little hand knit sock can do.

  5. Cathy says:

    I have to go to DMV tomorrow, must bring socks! I knit at standing room concerts where you need to get there super early to get a good spot…always good for conversation! And getting to know the other folks standing around you at those things always makes them nicer and less likely to bash into you once the show starts! I think they’re just hoping I’ll make them some squooshy handknit socks!

  6. lynda says:

    Love it – doesn’t everyone have the DMV story from hell…. what a place, I don’t care where you live, the DMV is the worst. And, you’re at their complete mercy. Oy, the look.

    They talk about people going “postal” – I’m always a little afraid everytime I have to go into the DMV… that’s where I figure people would snap if they’re gonna.

    Next time I’m bringing a sock to knit… just to calm the place down -excellent idea :o)

  7. Jennifer says:

    Your story goes to show that knitters should never be without their knitting. You never know what trouble it’ll help with.

  8. Tracey says:

    Wow, maybe we need to teach all of our diplomats to knit. Sock knitting…ringing in a new era of world peace…I so knew it.

  9. Wanda says:

    That totally rocks! Socks and knitting – taking over the world!!

  10. Lacy says:

    The DMV’s here in Oregon are a lovely and friendly cake walk. But please don’t get me started with the IRS, especially California’s IRS. They just don’t want to let go. Moved here from there and they’re still nickle and dimeing us. I just love our goverment!

  11. beverly says:

    I love this story! The power of the knit!

  12. Gina says:

    We should never, ever go anywhere without knitting. At a minimum, anyone can knit while keeping one eye on the red light. Today I had an extended wait for one-lane traffic due to bridge construction and I reached for the spiral scarf on the needles in my handbag. You never know when these opportunities are going to pop up.
    As for knitting while driving, well, all I’ll say is that the little spiral thing gets a little longer each day.


  13. Jennifer says:

    Wow! Just. Wow! To mitigate the look, the power is awesome.

  14. Becky says:

    Only you could defrost The Look with some sock knitting! No one can top your style, B-M :-)

  15. Jocelyn says:

    In my house, we call that the Death Stare. Glad it worked out in the end!

  16. Cookie says:

    DMVs in my part of CA are pretty cool now that you can make appointments in advance. Had to go in to do a transfer of ownership–took seven minutes from start to finish–no need to pull out the knitting! (Now, the Post Office….)

  17. Sil says:

    Knitters should run the world…

  18. Laurie says:

    Ah, the clerk clearly understood the international signal for “good and trustworthy.”


  19. LaurieM says:

    Super powered sock!

    I knit in the car, though not while driving. Every red light and back log of traffic sees me adding a stitch or two to the traveling sock.

  20. Cathy-Cate says:

    The power of the Sock indeed!
    Softens death-look DMVers, repels panhandlers, leaps tall buildings with a single bound.
    It’s so funny that Cathy above has to go to the DMV tomorrow, because moi, Cathy aka Cathy-Cate, also has to go to the DMV tomorrow! Sock WILL be in hand. (At least it’s not Friday, that will be crazy-mundo being the last day of the month.)

  21. Natalia says:

    I am in awe, and will never leave home without my sock again.

  22. Linda says:

    Loved the laugh at the end of a long day. Just don’t tell my kids how to get around The Look. It still works on them, for now anyway! L

  23. Maddie says:

    OH! Fantastic socks. What yarn/color are you using??? I can’t believe that knitting on the DMV counter helped you! I must remember that the next time that I’m in a jam!!!

  24. Karen B. says:

    Great story, b. Marie! The “knitters handshake” warms even the frostiest bureaucrat.

    Sock covers Look, indeed!

  25. diane says:

    nothing over 25 mph, little traffic and straight roads only… knee on steering wheel – it’s easy! it also helps a lot if you can knit without looking at your knitting.

  26. kimchi says:

    way to go!!!
    man, i will remember that the next time i have to go to the DMV!!! thanks for the tip! and also, that tip about Paris Hilton being released from jail? Hi-Larious! :o)
    congrats to you. a BIG Congrats!

  27. Lynne says:

    whoa (or is it “woah?” nahhh), your sock is like kryptonite!

  28. Bonne Marie says:

    Hee — kryptonite!

    The pattern is my very own Sock Love; the yarn — Schoeller Stahl SOCKA; the color #9047.

    Knitter’s SHOULD run the world!

  29. Amy says:

    Here’s a tip for avoiding stealage of your vehicle sticker. Put your sticker on the plate. Take a razor blade and cut an “x” in the sticker. It will look fine, but if someone tries to steal it, they can’t because it is cut into quarters!

  30. janna says:

    This is why I always have a sock (on needles, I mean) in my purse!

  31. Sonya says:

    It is the wonder of the sock, love it. Such awesome power – I mean the DMV, that is some heavy stuff. Great story Bonne Marie, you had me trying to emulate The Look!

  32. lindsey says:

    good ending. i had just gotten a car and just got plates for it in chicago so there was no over sticking of the year. good you think? well someone just came by and stole the rear plate off the car. i reported it and then still got tickets from the city that i didn’t have a plate on my car. 10 day period of grace? not in chicago.

  33. Bonne Marie says:

    I feel your pain, Lindsey! G.R.E.E.D.Y. Bas**ards!
    Even though I provided proof like they requested when they sent me home the 1st time, they still twisted $100 dollars out of me because of the bogus court judgment.

    They said I could go Back-to-Court and petition for a correction/removal. Heh. A correction of THEIR MISTAKE ;p

    This is where the Pirates of the Capitol get you over the barrel: you get to pick the lesser of the MANY evils to escape their slimy grip.

    EW! Now I’m seeing the Octupus-Face Guy in my head leering at me, smiling…

    And thanks, Amy, for the awesoome hint! I am going outside now with a blade and trying it :)

  34. Tonya says:

    I too witnessed the power of the sock. I secretly referred to my OB’s nurse as the Dragon Lady she was so cold. Then one day I brought in a sock to knit. The Dragon Lady melted and was ever friendly after that.

  35. Kate says:

    Total Sock Puppetry. I mean…com’on…what meanie would glare at a sock? They are like kittens. You can pet them! FYI, the razor blade suggestion has always worked for me. We have a high rate of sticker lifts here in shakey city.

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